Author Topic: what's saddening you right now?  (Read 339139 times)

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Offline #Emma---#

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #660 on: November 17, 2009, 17:58 »
I've been feeling ill since the weekend. I'm still well enough to go to school, but I can't work as well when I feel ill. I'm also tired, and I hurt my back at work on Sunday.

I'm trying to organise a surprise 18th party for my boyfriend too. Everything is sorted. However, I have no venue for it, which is kind of important =/ Getting harder to find somewhere that will accommodate under 18s too and it's doing my head in >>

Then today I thought I had done quite well in the Physics practical this morning. However, when I came out of the exam, I realised that I had done the reciprocal for my time measurements when I wasn't supposed to, meaning two columns of my results are wrong, my graph is back to front, and I've got the y-intercept and everything wrong. I don't want to know how many marks that has cost me. Probably most of them >> I'm hoping to get marks for error carried forward as everything else is right, but I don't think I will.

Then I have received no uni offers or interviews or anything so far. Pretty much all my friends have at least one offer. Even people who sent their application off way after me have offers, so it's kind of depressing. I know I have months to wait anyway, but an offer would be nice and would reassure me a bit, especially as I'm not too confident at the moment.

Offline MOP

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #661 on: November 17, 2009, 18:14 »
Then I have received no uni offers or interviews or anything so far.
It's all about what you applied for and where. I applied for courses that few other people had interest in like Physics at Lancaster so I got plenty of replies along the lines of "no one else wants to come here so you can". There's always clearing and if you choose a health care course the NHS pay the tuition fees.
Still lots of time to go and people getting offers so early doesn't mean anything if they don't get the results they need.

Offline RocketMember002

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #662 on: November 17, 2009, 19:27 »
I'm still deaf in one ear, missed a day of Biology, 2 weeks before my mocks, and my main hope at getting a weekend job has been dashed. I hate existence in all it's forms.

Offline Massacre\\♥

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #663 on: November 17, 2009, 21:19 »
i have a mild case of the swine flu,
my crush is being a dick to me,
&i failed my stupid civics test .


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lead her up the stairwell<3

Offline Utack and Swampy

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #664 on: November 18, 2009, 16:19 »
I have a group project due in 2 days, no one has sent me any information, and I suddenly have to find 10 people to answer a survey: Help make me undepressed please  :(


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Offline kerri-anne

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #665 on: November 18, 2009, 17:07 »

this happened to my dad
shocking news
what should I make you ?

Offline Exodus

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #666 on: November 19, 2009, 13:38 »
I'd link you directly to the page it's on in my dA, where most of my journals go, but because I've had swears in it, I can't do so. So instead I've copied it into here, modified the bits that weren't +3 and put it in a smaller font so it doesn't take up the entire page so much, and so if anybody wants to read it they can simply copy and paste it into a word document.

Since I wrote this, Monday, I've decided on my short-term future being that I am to withdraw from University because it's clearly no longer where I want to be, nor can I manage to keep up with the work; I've bitten off far more than I can chew. =[.

But, in a way, it's something that's cheering me up because I know now that I've given this a try and I've found an answer in a weird form. Anyway;



Seeing as I feel a bit more composed as I write this, I might as well give you a bit of a contents guide..

~ How I now feel about University
~ What I can do right now
~ How I feel about myself
~ What's terrifying me.

Well, they're a bit vague. But I can't really do it anyway else. Seeing as I've promised a few people who've asked me how it's going and I've kinda had to say "I'll tell you some other time when it's not going to cripple my fingers texting you back".

If you read my previous two journals you'll know how I've felt about University in the last few weeks. The second one was on the back of a really, really low day for me so don't take it as seriously as you might have done at first. I think it was just because I'd had a really, really good weekend back in Hull with my snooker team, with the social life I'd built up last year due to my 3rd year at college, that just disturbed me into feeling as low as I did.

Right now I've accepted that.. I think I bitten off far more than I can chew with trying to do Mathematics at University level. Whether I was aiming blind, or feeling like I could really step up to the challenge, I don't know anymore, but I've gotten to the stage now where I'm almost ready to accept that staying here will, within due time, dig myself into a deeper hole; mentally, physically (in that I'll get so far into the course that I'll feel obliged to carry on) and eventually make me feel worse than I ever have done so.

:: *~* i have lived so many lives all in my head *~* ::

I don't know for a fact whether it's due to me hating my course, or whether there's something deeper that lies beneath. I've been having counselling to try and help me get to the root of my problem, to help me unlock my mind to what's really bothering me. Perhaps it's the fact I've come out of my comfort zone, where I've built up a life at home to cope with everybody who, outside of my family and friends from club, meant anything to me leaving. Perhaps it's the fact that I now rarely trust anyone completely, and that I'm struggling to let my flatmates get closer to me than what they see me to be; bound to the pub and football, with the occasional sarcastic "i don't give a damn" comment.

:: *~* and don't you tell me that you care *~* ::

Right now I've given myself a deadline of Christmas. A deadline of deciding what I need to do; withdraw immediately from University and look for a job, withdraw from University in March time, withdraw from University at the end of my academic year which counts for nothing, withdraw from University with the hope of going to my hometown University next summer, withdraw from University with the intent of working my way up the ladder or last but probably least, stay at University.

I've got, including this week, four weeks left before I get my reading week. This is what I needed to have had last week so I could have sat back and really analysed what I've got here without physically being here. I don't know how much I'll be able to open my mind to see what's really causing me to feel like this, there's no guarantee that when Christmas comes I'll know what I'm doing, but I cannot enter 2010 the same way I entered last year and the year before.. not sure of myself and what I was doing here - life.

Last year I felt alone and I was always waiting for something, something that I thought would simply come. The year before I felt lost because of me not wanting to go to University at that point in life (when I was halfway through my second year at college) and coming to the realisation that the only person who could come close to compensating the loss of my friends and being 'stuck' at home for another year was 400 miles away.

:: *~* oh so sick i am and maybe i don't have a choice *~* ::

I cannot have another introduction to the year feeling unsure of myself, unsure of what I'm doing, unsure of where I'm going. Now I know you might be asking yourself just why I'm fixtation on New Years as much as I've unawaringly made out so there, but for me, it's always been that time of the year where I look back on the year and ask myself "have I really done enough?", "am I happy?", and I guess more importantly as I go through this period of my life where I've no longer got a clear path ahead of me, "what do I want to do in my life and what do I need to do to achieve it?".

I honestly don't know what I want from my life, apart from that I want a family, a place to call my own, a sense of belonging I guess. I don't know, I started to feel like this about two years ago and since then I've struggled to maintain a clear head regarding what I've wanted, what I desire, what I want from my life. I find myself too easily switching off and losing concentration in my long term goals, kind of swaying from idol to idol in my aims.

:: *~* i want to do something that matters *~* ::

Right now I feel that whilst I'm the most open minded, the most mature.. than I've ever been, whilst I'm happy in myself and who I am, seeing as I can't change who I am, I'm not confident enough to choose a path ahead of me. I don't know what it is I want to do in my life. I know that whatever I do end up doing.. I've got the intelligence, the passion, the energy to succeed, but the question is "what will I be doing?".

I don't have any dreams, no real desires apart from "to belong". But to who? To what? I don't know.. I don't know what it means. To be in a relationship? To have something depend on me, in terms of a job, a career? To find a happiness again, a state where I can say "I'm happy with who I am and where I am"? Am I asking for too much, am I asking for something I can never fully acheive? Calm at mind?

:: *~* and if i could just reach you maybe i could leave this place *~* ::

One of things that is completely and utterly terrifying me is this situation. I don't act like it, but the things that terrify me the most is the end to this situation. If I leave, I've no longer got a permanent direction, I'm not forced to get a job, I'm not forced to be any happier at home, I'm not forced to have made the right decision. Where as if I stay, I'm terrified of being unhappy and always craving home whenever I get really low, terrified of failing at my course and wasting time that I don't feel like I've got anymore, terrified of growing antisocial and more and more alone.

I no longer know what brings a smile to my face, not a lasting one. I'm always feeling low at the end of nights out, feeling like I'm out of place. I've always seen myself as being an outsider due to what I am and how I am; hence me associating myself to the "one of a kind" tag more and more these days, although I'm no longer sure in the right way. I feel out of place probably due to that, but then I begin to let my mind wander and I feel I become more and more alienated from what people call 'reality'. Oh I don't know.

I just.. I'm stuck now as I approach possibly the biggest decision of my life. I'm split between this concept of giving up something I've dreamed of since I was a young boy, although for what reason I'm no longer sure. Giving up the closest idea I've had in a good while as to what I'd like to do - teach - and going back to this.. unknown that seems to cloud everything I do and think these days.

So there I go. That's pretty much what's too long for me to type out in a text message, what's too long for me to type out on MSN.

=/

Offline Webby

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #667 on: November 19, 2009, 13:54 »
I've been looking for a job for two months now... and... I'm no closer to getting one than when I began. It's all well and good I'm flexible and willing to do a lot, but... I have no practical experience, so I won't get considered for a lot of places, I can't take on a lot of jobs due to the use of a telephone, and a lot of them are generally out of my way. I'm meant to look for jobs within a 20 mile radius of my house, but being locked into public transport is not helpful. Getting to Redditch each day is a £5.50 bus fare, so that's out of the question. Even going to Worcester or Birmingham is a bad idea, since I only know the city centres, and most advertised jobs are out of my reach. I wanted this year to be a year of gathering money so I can be more self-sufficient in uni, but... it looks like I'll be more out of pocket by the end of it. Having all these GCSEs and A-Levels is more of a put-off compared to my lack of experience, and I'm really unlikely to get a job anytime soon. I've applied for two jobs in two months, and neither of them have got back to me. When I do jobsearches, I have to cross off everything to find a suitable job, and in the end I'm left with a few jobs with only 10 hours a week, which means I'll earn less than what I'm getting now so I wouldn't be advised to take it. Knowing that my jobsearching routine will change starting soon isn't good... it's a load of hassle and it's making me feel down. ):

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Offline MOP

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #668 on: November 19, 2009, 15:39 »
Since I wrote this, Monday, I've decided on my short-term future being that I am to withdraw from University
Obviously I don't know what you're feeling but for me leaving uni and starting a different course was the best thing. If you're going to quit do it as soon as possible, saves on the accommodation costs and gives you more time to prepare for next year or get a job. If you want to stay at uni then spend tonight prowling for a study buddy! Maybe force your self into more socials with your housemates?

Anyway...
I'm depressed because I'm behind on work and worried about meeting a certain someone tomorrow.

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #669 on: November 19, 2009, 16:05 »
The fact that going to school to get work done has made me feel even worse, and I'm not in a good place anyways =/

Offline Sunnii

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #670 on: November 19, 2009, 18:14 »
I am ill ... And tomorrow I am going to see new moon  with my mates then they are coming back to mine for a sleep over .. I hope I feel well tomorrw =(
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Offline Exodus

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #671 on: November 19, 2009, 18:30 »
Obviously I don't know what you're feeling but for me leaving uni and starting a different course was the best thing. If you're going to quit do it as soon as possible, saves on the accommodation costs and gives you more time to prepare for next year or get a job. If you want to stay at uni then spend tonight prowling for a study buddy! Maybe force your self into more socials with your housemates?

The stuff in the small print pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment. I'm planning on quitting over the next three weeks, as in packing up and relocating back home. I might officially withdraw from University in two weeks time, see how I feel next week. I need to sort other things out, find out what to do regarding my student finance, etc etc.

Offline q.c.™

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #672 on: November 21, 2009, 02:32 »
aw.. well.. I have lots'o homework this coming week.. but it's a vacation from school. Ugh. FML.

Offline Piccolami.

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #673 on: November 21, 2009, 18:14 »
I'm not coping at all well with starting my A-Levels. I see my friends managing to keep on top of their work and to excell at their chosen subjects, and I'm there struggling to keep motivated and to actually understand and complete my work.

The only lesson I can actually be bothered with is Chemistry, and to some extent Biology. I love Chemistry, and it's the only subject I'm managing to succeed in at the moment. I understand most of the course and can answer most questions I know; it's just a matter of revising now to get the finer points sorted ready for my exams.

I really think I've bitten off more than I can chew this year - 5 subjects that I think I'm going to end up getting horrendous grades in. I've gone from being someone who'd get top marks in nearly everything to being the straggler who's always asking for help, and I don't like it at all. I don't suppose it helps having my parents go on at me all the time for not helping enough but I have so much work and some commitments that I really can't drop to cook tea or do the vaccuuming or whatever. Being told repeatedly that some of my friends are taking 5 subjects and somehow manage to have a job doesn't help either; it just makes me feel like more of a failure.

Maths is my biggest problem. Mechanics just goes straight over my head; in the event that I think I understand something, as soon as I try to apply it later it just goes wrong. I can't remember any of the equations that I should apparently know by this point in time, and I seem to spend most of my free lessons struggling on the questions before going to the teacher for probably the third or fourth time that week.

C1 isn't much better. It's supposed to be the easiest, and some of it is just that, but I've always had problems with the sketching curves side of things and I really don't get differentiation. I can do the simpler problems, but the exam-style questions in the textbook have proved impossible.

Further Maths is another problem. I find the complex numbers side of things very difficult, and I find myself struggling to keep up with everyone else.

I don't suppose it helps much that I got an A in Maths at GCSE (which I already felt quite bad about), and then had my Mechanics & FP1 teacher tell us all that our group last year "should've all got A*s, and that those that didn't were obviously not applying themselves hard enough or just didn't really bother". I tried damn hard, and was a nervous wreck before going into the first exam to the point where I was shaking so much I couldn't write my name properly.

French is yet another problem, as it seems to just be a waste of my time and I really can't be bothered with it. I don't know what possessed me to pick it, but I know it's most probably going to affect all of my results because I'm putting effort into it that I could be focussing on Maths. I don't speak in the lessons and can't come out with much more than basic sentences when I do.

Before this year, all I really wanted was to go to Uni to study Chemistry, but I really don't think I'll get the grades to get in and I'm not even sure if I want to anymore. Yes, it's a bit early to be thinking about Uni but to be honest if I don't start worrying now, then by the time I get my act together it'll be too late.

So where on earth do I go from here? I don't have time in lunchtimes to go see the teachers I need to because Tuesdays and Thursdays are spent doing Further Maths and Wednesdays are spent on the School Council. My Mechanics teacher isn't available on Fridays, and on Mondays I already have 4 lots of Maths lessons and my head feels like exploding from the amount of it all.

I actually don't know what to do anymore.
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Offline Shaymin

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Re: what's depressing you right now?
« Reply #674 on: November 27, 2009, 16:14 »
;__________________;

I'm really upset, because today I found out the boy I really like has a girlfriend.

and I was building up the courage to ask him out too

*weeps*