Author Topic: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...  (Read 6657 times)

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quack98

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #15 on: July 22, 2013, 13:28 »
I was in a Subway in King's Lynn a few years ago and they asked the woman in front of me "Would you like to try peppered cheese for an extra 20p?" the woman had a blank look about her and then went "Peppered cheese? Whassat?"

As much as I love Subway, it's the worst place for morons.

Everytime I go, I always end up behind someone who has clearly never left their house before...

Offline Inferna

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #16 on: July 22, 2013, 19:30 »
This was posted by friend on facebook, he works at morrisons:

Woman: Where are the square bagels?
Me: square? Don't think we sell them.
Woman: you do. They're waffley.
Me: A waffle?
Woman: no, square bagel.
Me: sorry, never heard of square bagels.
Woman: they're square.
Me: i get that.
Woman: Like grids.
Me: yes, that's a waffle.
Woman: It's not.
*I get a pack of waffles*
Me: these?
Woman: that's them.
Me: yeah, these are waffles.
*she takes them and leaves*
Me: YOU'RE WELCOME

Offline Clairefable

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #17 on: July 22, 2013, 21:49 »
I watched a colleague of mine explain to someone at closing time when he came in demanding large frozen mice that the mice he had were, in fact, large mice. Despite the fact that it says LARGE FROZEN MOUSE on the FOIL PACKET that they come in, he was still adamant that they weren't as large as he apparently thinks large mice are. When it was suggested that perhaps he wanted a jumbo mouse, he started rambling about "rat pups" which none of us had ever heard of, and then the harridan with him waded in with "MAH JOHN'S GIT TEN SNAKES" as if that has any relevance to anything, before buying something else and storming off.

Oh, and see if you're ever in a shop and you're going to start a sentence with "I can see you're busy, but..." Then don't.

This was posted by friend on facebook, he works at morrisons:

Woman: Where are the square bagels?
Me: square? Don't think we sell them.
Woman: you do. They're waffley.
Me: A waffle?
Woman: no, square bagel.
Me: sorry, never heard of square bagels.
Woman: they're square.
Me: i get that.
Woman: Like grids.
Me: yes, that's a waffle.
Woman: It's not.
*I get a pack of waffles*
Me: these?
Woman: that's them.
Me: yeah, these are waffles.
*she takes them and leaves*
Me: YOU'RE WELCOME

Sadly that's just too painfully familiar to be funny.

Offline MOP

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #18 on: July 22, 2013, 22:55 »
Patients.
I don't even want to say too much right now because I won't sleep but I spent half an hour making sure this patient got everything they needed and they're making a complaint about myself and the receptionist (who was nothing to do with it) because the scan I'm sending them for isn't what their GP told them about. Their GP (like most GPs) doesn't actually know how MRI, X-ray, US or nuclear medicine work, I know what I'm doing which is why I changed it for something which will actually be useful. As always our hospital policy means we apologise for going out of our way to help someone and rather than tell them straight up we are right and they are wrong.

Also I appreciate that you were here first but for some bizarre reason the NHS thinks this child vomiting blood gets to skip the queue. I'm not even joking every day people with aching knees or splinters in their hand will shout because I take someone on the verge of death in before them. And for God's sake stop throwing rubbish on the floor when you sit next to a bin and don't spill your coffee on the crash trolley and then just leave the your sandwich in the puddle.

Actually I've only had the littering problem in London. None of the other hospitals had this.

Offline Clairefable

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #19 on: July 22, 2013, 23:06 »
^
oh
my
god

What is actually wrong with people?

They're probably the same kind of idiot that'd sue the NHS for millions if what's ACTUALLY wrong with them isn't picked up

And littering in a HOSPITAL? People do that?!

i don't want to live on this planet anymore


Offline Lord Raven

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #20 on: July 23, 2013, 01:08 »
As much as I love Subway, it's the worst place for morons.

Everytime I go, I always end up behind someone who has clearly never left their house before...
Subway's the worst for people watching, I saw two american stereotypes in two visits there

First one was a typical white trash person.  Screamed the f word while the dude asked her for her order, and she kept ignoring him until the last minute when she goes "I'm sorry!" then she orders.  Her baby daddy or boyfriend or husband or something (baby daddy seems likely) keeps whispering, loudly, "you're not smart, you stupid [b word]" or something and she kept doing the same thing yelling "crap" and whatnot.  I was kinda pissed because my friend gave me an order to make at Subway - an incomplete one - so I kept going "Sorry give me a moment."  I felt terrible.  But she also told me "you must think I'm crazy or something huh" on top of saying some really dumb stuff.  Took me 20 minutes to get my sub and go because she kept taking so long to make her order; it was like 7 minutes between questions or something.  It only takes like 2 minutes to toast as well smh

Then the next person was a stereotypical spunky black woman, and I won't forget this.  She ordered something and she would say it in the worst way possible, then proceed to chastise the guy she ordered.  It was the worst.  During the first half when he got the meat wrong (because she said something that didn't make sense) she said "um no throw that out I don't want that, can you even make a damn sandwich?"  Then she calls the cashier and she's like "you make me my sandwich now" or something ridiculous.  Effectively, she calmed down briefly and the guy threw out the sub to make her a new one.  Then, the next part she keeps asking him for "spinach lettuce."  The dude is confused and he stalls and she goes "Can I make myself clearer?" (oh my god some questions seriously need answering) so he puts regular lettuce on it.  She flips a lid and goes "I asked for spinach lettuce!  Why the hell are you putting lettuce on there!" and proceeds to once again yell at the cashier to make her sub.  The dude immediately just gets rid of the lettuce and he realized later that she meant the spinach.  When he gets rid of the lettuce he has a tiny amount left on the sub and she yells at him to "get rid of all the lettuce" cause she still saw some.  Then she yells at the cashier and meanwhile, I'm proud of all the faces that me and my friend are making behind her back.  Though I think at some point she turns to me and goes "these stupid workers" or something, all I know is that he messed up my order a little bit but I just let it slide because it wouldn't interfere with my enjoyment of the sub.
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Offline SirBlaziken

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #21 on: July 23, 2013, 02:54 »
I can barely follow any of this.
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Offline That Girl in the 'Roo Suit

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #22 on: July 23, 2013, 03:00 »
I also /really love it/ when people kick up a fuss about having to pay an entrance fee on a busy night. To the point of hurling abuse/death threats my way. And then they throw their money at me and get all defensive and stroppy when I'm just like "Oh, thank you for kindly giving me your hard earned cash. Now gimme £3 nicely or I will set the bouncers on you, and trust me they will enjoy kicking you out."

I don't think they quite realise that if they're being rude to the people letting them into the building, it's just not happening. Especially not when they start a fight with a complete stranger because they won't pay for them...

I also had the joy of someone asking me what mango sourz tastes like...

And if the kangaroo on our menu is real kangaroo. Would we advertise it if it wasn't? Didn't think so.

Every new wave of 18 year olds seem to have different names for certain drinks, and they give you evils when you have no clue what they're on about.
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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #23 on: July 23, 2013, 04:40 »
uh oh theres a rumble in my bowels its time for another one of xhanatos's crappy retail rants no-one asked for
shinyblaziken2000 better watch out cos this one is gonna be a big rant!!!! especially since he's never worked a real honest job in his life or knows what being financially self-subsistent is so




i happened to do a brief stint in burger king once and it was literally like a zombie film after every event

people staggered out of the stadium and mobbed our shop and were all demanding to be let in and banging on the front doors despite it being half an hour past our closing time and moaning and whining and "LET US IN WE'RE HUNGRY" with us obviously shutting up shop while we snuck out the back



(ugggGGGGGH the "are you closed?" no we're all waiting outside with the lights off and the shutter is descending for a LAFF we're still open

does anyone think "are you closed" is gonna make us go "sorry you caught us in the act of trying to leave early" and hang our heads in shame and go "we'll give you £20 of free stuff each time you visit if you dont tell" or something b/c thats the only reson they'd ask it and get Angry when we say Yes We're Closed)





ahhhh that job was so terrible b/c the store managers idea of "team building" was to stop booking her next holiday and get The Snitch to spy on us all occasionally and descend from her vulture nest to go "come on, do it faster!" and then walk off and say it to the next person
literally the only """"""""""""Team Leaders"""""""""""  who actually Got Through to the 10-20 people  desperately trying to earn an honest living (the rest of them just screeched a lot and had no idea how to deal with Obstinate Frustrated Workers) in a terrible place was the two supervisors they fired for arbitrary reasons

  but i did miss the one dude who was w/ me and one of the Good Supervisors when these idiot middle aged Willful Ignorance types came in and we told them "take away only hope thats ok" (this is the important bit)

and they proceeded to completely ignore what they were told because they're idiot pooplord morons from crapfartshire or w/e so they took the stacked-on-the-table chairs off the table, sat down and slowly ordered while forgetting their order because half of them were drunk and the other ones were probably retired and reviling in the ecstacy of impending death/also drunk
so you've got one-eyed pete trying to remember four drunk meonpausal complicated ladies orders while the def leppard tribute band on their days off stared into space and waited for a hairy skeleton to finish deciding what burger to have that we kept telling everyone loudly we dont have any more of
"its take out only though" we said to every customer "yeah thats ok"
as they all eventually told us "oh we gotta wait for the minibus" (???? what minibus? who cares? get out)
 
"no we're sorry its take out only we did say" "YEH WERE JUST WAITING FOR OUR MINIBUS WE'LL ONLY BE TWO SECS"

THE MINIBUS took ages to arrive and for anyone who works fast food you have to dismantle the entire obesity factory engineering disasterpiece at the end of the shift which takes AGES and even more if the goddamn dave lee travis roadshow fan club decided to sit down and not listen to us and go back for another order
which is what they did for half an hour
 
obvs we couldn't do anything about it b/c CUSTOMERS MMM YEAH /secret sauce in face/ so we had to go out back to smoke and complain and Dude Who Was Cool To Work With threw a frozen burger over the fence in anger but goddamn




//takes inhaler// ok im done for another day
           

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #24 on: July 24, 2013, 23:32 »
I was in ANOTHER branch of Subway (this time in Peterborough) and a woman in front of me asks "Is your cheese vegetarian cheese." I was confused, my fiancee was confused and the 'sandwich artist' (yes, that's their job title) was even more confused.

"Don't you mean vegan?" He asked politely.
"No, vegetarian cheese. There's nothing on here that says anything is suitable for vegetarians such as myself." The sandwich artist looked at me as if I had any idea what she was on about, but I just shrugged.
"It's because you have those gloves on and you're touching meat products and the cheese with those gloves on and it could contaminate it" She carried on, still asking for confirmation as to whether or not the cheese was for the PETA brigade or not.
"I wear a fresh pair of gloves for every new sandwich" the guy replied calmly, "I'll put some new gloves on now if that'll make you feel better"
"Yes, but there's no guarantee that those gloves haven't been in contact with meat products. I can't have anything that's been in contact with meat. Is the cheese suitable for vegetarians or not?"
"If I say yes, will that help?"
"It's okay, I'll just have lettuce, cucumber, tomato and mayo on it"

That's only the condensed version. The actual conversation went on for TEN MINUTES.

What an arse.
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Offline Dragonpika

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #25 on: July 25, 2013, 10:13 »
^ I guess as well that rennet is sometimes used to make cheese, and that's not veggie. Still though.

This topic is absolutely making my heart go out to anyone who works in retail - partly because I'm sure I've asked some fairly idiotic questions in my time!

Thankfully the little work I've done interacting with The Public has been incredibly idiot-lacking, I've generally managed to hide away in office work. I did once overhear a beautiful but awful conversation in Currys (computer shop) once in which a woman asked the shop assisstant if she could "download more megapixels for her cameraphone".. the scary part was that he said yes. Not sure if the guy working in the electronics shop didn't understand the concept of megapixels, or if he was just preying on the customer's lack of knowledge, and I'm not sure quite which is worse.
« Last Edit: July 25, 2013, 10:15 by Dragonpika »




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Offline SirBlaziken

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #26 on: July 25, 2013, 13:59 »
Time out, you guys may like Subway, but there's this chain for sub stores in america, mostly in georgia it seems, called firehouse subs that is infinitely better, time in.
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Offline Clairefable

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #27 on: July 25, 2013, 14:09 »
Kay asking stupid questions because you genuinely don't know is one thing but asking stupid questions that are more like demands dressed up as a request are something else entirely!

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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #28 on: July 25, 2013, 14:14 »
You're right about that one.
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Re: 101 things not to ask a retail assisstant...
« Reply #29 on: July 25, 2013, 16:08 »
Time out, you guys may like Subway, but there's this chain for sub stores in america, mostly in georgia it seems, called firehouse subs that is infinitely better, time in.
Thank you I will keep that in mind next time I decide to go to the same state that singled me out in a group of 100 to search me.  Other than that, please stop posting if you have nothing of any degree of substance to say.  I get that you're 13 years old or something but soooooo many people here were 13 years old when they cut the crap and started to contribute to a discussion at hand.



Oh, relevant but some dude at our restaurant one time had a bill of $63.58 (idk what the actual bill was but it was above 60).  So you know, naturally you should be tipping around 9 dollars!  Well, first of all our waitresses do generally very good service (because everyone else tips like mad >__>) and they give you everything you need and respond to every request in a friendly manner, something they do to my friends and I when we go there and something I've generally seen them to do everyone.  However, some pricks don't feel the need to tip!  Why?  Well, it's self-evident, they're pricks.

This dude decided to do something even worse; the "keep the change" line.  Let me go into some backstory as to how I run these things, and something I've encouraged my parents to do because it has led to a huuuuuuuuuuuuge increase in tips.

Some people just don't tip because I think they think it's built into the bill, some people are just buttholes, but everytime someone comes to the register and hasn't put something in the tip jar yet I always go "I must remind you that we do not charge for gratuity so all tip is at your discretion." (waitresses/jobs with tips make below minimum wage; I think my dad pays them more than that but if they don't make $20 in tips then we have to lose some of our daily sales to make sure they reach it)  This actually makes most people feel bad if they weren't gonna tip to begin with and they put like 3-4 dollars in the jar.  Not bad when it's two people whose bills end up being like $20 or something.  Many people end up with maybe a $15 bill and give me 20 and go "keep the change."  That's fine, it's actually a relatively huge tip but nobody's complaining!

But then there's this other brand of "keep the change" guys.  Holy HELL.  His bill is is, as I said before, like $63.58.  Naturally, this dbag pays $65.  I drop my whole "please tip" thing on him, and then he goes:  "Okay!  Keep the change!"  so he left a $1.42 tip...  and you know what the worst part is?  He felt so happy, so smug about it and felt like he had done such a good deed that he left in jolly spirits.  I wanted to slap the hell outta him because I was so pissed.

Moral of the story?  Brown people are cheap.



I'll wait a little bit before I get into some of the groupon nightmares we've faced.  I've seen the same "spunky black woman" and "excessively cheap brown people" stereotypes in those stories.  As it stands, I have to do stuff today at work; not that much, but if I don't get started I won't get it done.  Thank god i don't work at retail for the rest of my life.
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