Topic: Babies: Why do they insist on killing themselves?

[Ammish]

Seriously, they need tying up. Sure, the social worker could give you a strange stare, but it's better than babies trying to pull down a vase or try to suck their fingers and jam it in a plug socket. They always manage to grab something, even if you put it away, and they always manage to try and hurt themselves.

I mean, babies are suicidal. I'm pretty sure they are already sick of life in their first year, yet they are the masters of keeping a smiling face. I lost count how many times my baby sister does any of the above, including nearly choking on a crisp.

I don't want children if at this rate, that's all they going to do for a few years.

[Winston Payne]

My solution is going to be chloroform.

I'm going to soak lots and lots of rags in chloroform. Baby crying in the shop? Quick chloroform nap. Kid won't stop wanting attention? Chloroform. Going too close to the power socket? Why would I want to put a costly plastic cover on the plug (and consequently lose a vital power source) when I could just Chloroform the child?

Better still, I'll soak the kid's favourite teddy bear/plush toy in the stuff. Now, now, little guy. Hug onto Mr. Sleepy, and you'll feel alright. Hopefully they'll associate the bear with going to sleep, so if I hold up the teddy bear, they'll drop right off; genius.

[M.O.P.]

An artificial cocoon is what you need for the baby. Just apply papier mache to the baby, allowing each layer to dry before adding the next. Use a good solution of water and PVA glue applied to kitchen paper for a strong and bright white layer. You can paint your baby cocoon in a variety of colours and then hang the cocoon over a toliet for easy hygiene and put milk in a hamster's water bottle dangling close to the baby's head which should be poking out of the cocoon.

[Milsap]

Going too close to the power socket? Why would I want to put a costly plastic cover on the plug (and consequently lose a vital power source) when I could just Chloroform the child?

What you do is turn the sockets into cute little bunnies. And if the baby isn't afraid of bunnies when you start, he/she will be by the time the week is over.

[Buttons The Plural™]

i never want kids... ever ever. Some are nice sometimes but to be hinest i think i would rather get a dog. at least dogs have a little common sense, don't cry in the middle of the night, beg for toys and other stuff... ok they may poop on the carpet but at least you can train a dog to do awesome things...

also back on track to kids killing themselves... natural selection.

[Snagprophet]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/10300681.stm

If the toddler wasn't suicidal then why was the driver driving in the playpark??????!??!?!?!??

[.~:Sly Foxx:~.]

Somehow, I misread the title as barbies o___O

All the same, though, judging by the Darwin Awards some babies never lose this suicidal tendency. ):

[M.O.P.]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/10300681.stm

If the toddler wasn't suicidal then why was the driver driving in the playpark??????!??!?!?!??

Ooo, I worked at Frenchay last year. She's in safe hands...probably.

[Milsap]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/10300681.stm

If the toddler wasn't suicidal then why was the driver driving in the playpark??????!??!?!?!??

I'd make a Richard Hammond gag there but not right now...

[Gethsemane]

My solution is going to be chloroform.

Isn't that the solution to everything? =]

[Milsap]

Isn't that the solution to everything? =]

What would you rather have? His chloroform or my gaffa tape?

[Laprabi]

Isn't that the solution to everything? =]

Ah, chloroform. Is there anything it can't do?

[Milsap]

It'll do anything gaffa can't... Which isn't a lot really... 

[Elite Four Gary]

My solution is going to be chloroform.

I'm going to soak lots and lots of rags in chloroform. Baby crying in the shop? Quick chloroform nap. Kid won't stop wanting attention? Chloroform. Going too close to the power socket? Why would I want to put a costly plastic cover on the plug (and consequently lose a vital power source) when I could just Chloroform the child?

Better still, I'll soak the kid's favourite teddy bear/plush toy in the stuff. Now, now, little guy. Hug onto Mr. Sleepy, and you'll feel alright. Hopefully they'll associate the bear with going to sleep, so if I hold up the teddy bear, they'll drop right off; genius.

That is wrong on so many levels.

[Winston Payne]

Oh, so just because I wish to warp my child's mind so they subconsciously fall asleep when seeing a particular teddy bear, I'm insane?

Mad, am I!?

I'll show you.

I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!