How do you cut your sandwiches?

[Milsap]

I usually go for crusty rolls, so I only cut them open to open them up.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I don't usually make my own sandwiches or cut them myself. If I make a sandwich I just eat it uncut. A girl I went to elementary schoool with had her sandwiches cut into fun shapes. Her mom did it using cookie cutters. It was always fun seeing what she'd have that day. It could've been a cat or even a person.

[lets all go out for some frosty chocolate milkshakes]

i cut mine diagonally every time cos its cool and cosmopolitan. me and shrub walkin down the miami beach with our diagonally cut sandwiches and gleaming smiles and trendy e-cigs and diagonal sandwiches in our retro Jem lunchboxes, cool sunglasses, while everyone else is eating their boorish straight-cut sandwiches out their free-gift-off-the-front-of-a-magazine fannypack at the german refridgerator convention 1998 with their buttcrack showing out the top of their bootleg flea market adidas tracksuits

but like i did that thing once as a kid which i was so excited to do where you trace around your hand on paper and then used that to cut a hand shape (with adult supervision!!!!!!!!!!) out of the bread and then had a "hand 'n' cheese sandwich"???????? i didn't really have very big dreams as a kid what can i say

Please stop cutting me

i live for these kinds of posts


i know no-one cares but the one where captain jigglypuff was all "i dip bread in lard and eat it" for some gross reason in the same way the That Kid in the class bites his toenails in the middle of gym class all nonchalantly like months and months back in some unrelated topic

and bread was all "what, no this is an outrage, dont do this to me" or something?????? and i clapped my fat little hands with glee about the bread-related bread post. except i was too far gone in some dumb brain trouble to appreciate it properly with a post at the time and felt really bad it passed by with no appreciation cos no-one said anything, like at all.

so thats why im saying this now in this rambling longwinded post about a billion years later despite the fact the moments gone. well anyway that was my story about enjoying breads posts about being bread. thanks for reading

[SirBlaziken]

I give it a 10, but IGN gave it a 7.8/10 for too much storytelling.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Actually it's bacon grease that I dipped bread on before. I haven't done that for a few years now but I only did it after cooking bacon while it was hot. I wasn't spreading it on like jelly.

[lets all go out for some frosty chocolate milkshakes]

I give it a 10, but IGN gave it a 7.8/10 for too much storytelling.

7.8 is still a good score!

Actually it's bacon grease that I dipped bread on before. I haven't done that for a few years now but I only did it after cooking bacon while it was hot. I wasn't spreading it on like jelly.

this sounds like backtracking, im p sure you use one of those boiled egg slicers to slice up a block of lard into slices for a weeks worth of lard sandwiches or to combine into one scooby-doo style treat stack sandwich every friday

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Nope. I usually just pour it down the kitchen sink. Although bacon grease IS supposed to be good for burns, I don't keep it for long. And I don't even have an egg slicer. I have something to make them into a cube though.

[SirBlaziken]

Reading this makes me want to go vegan.

[the bread dragon]

i live for these kinds of posts


i know no-one cares but the one where captain jigglypuff was all "i dip bread in lard and eat it" for some gross reason in the same way the That Kid in the class bites his toenails in the middle of gym class all nonchalantly like months and months back in some unrelated topic

and bread was all "what, no this is an outrage, dont do this to me" or something?????? and i clapped my fat little hands with glee about the bread-related bread post. except i was too far gone in some dumb brain trouble to appreciate it properly with a post at the time and felt really bad it passed by with no appreciation cos no-one said anything, like at all.

so thats why im saying this now in this rambling longwinded post about a billion years later despite the fact the moments gone. well anyway that was my story about enjoying breads posts about being bread. thanks for reading

it feels very good knowing that someone, somewhere out there enjoys my breadposting

[SirBlaziken]

I mean I enjoy it but I never stated it explicitly.

[DrampardonMe]

Fufufu... Fools, ALL of you! There is only ONE way to cut a sandwich! Observe:

STEP 1: Unsheathe your Katana
The Katana is the perfect cutting implement. It has been folded a thousand times to ensure it can slice through anything. Compared to a tank, cleaving a sandwich is child's play.

STEP 2: Teleport behind the sandwich
This step is, perhaps, the most important of all. Any sandwich worth devouring oozes with sinister intent. You must strike preemptively, before it strikes you.

PRO TIP: Discerning what, exactly, constitutes "behind the sandwich" takes years of indigestion and dark meditation in the Akashic Realm. No two sandwiches are created equal.

STEP 3: Assert your superiority
Sandwiches are frail creatures, their egos frailer. All it takes is a witty retort, such as, "nothin personnel, kid", to disarm it, to fill it with despair.

STEP 4: Sever it into 17 pieces. No more. No Less.
Should you have successfully pulled it off, the Final Fantasy victory theme shall echo through your soul. You will obtain precisely 1 GP, 1 EXP, and, of course, newly acquired sustenance. (AKA Sandwich Chunks, their TRUE name. Because seriously, what were they thinking localizing it as SandBits?!)

STEP 5: Tip your fedora
As if there is any other ritual worthy of congratulating oneself for a job well done.

May this forbidden knowledge serve you all well!

[/cringe]

Seriously, though, I'm trying to avoid carbs these days (kind of, sort of) so I don't really buy bread if I can help it. Bread crumbs, on the other hand... I like a little crunch on my meat, so sue me. But yeah, uncut bread for uncut eating, typically.