Oh look, ANOTHER Mock the Week idea. Basically, one person says a category and the person below comes in with their hopefully hilarious suggestions, and then another category for the poster below them.
Example:
Person 1: Things the Pope shouldn't say in his first speech.
Person 2: "YMCA!" Unlikely exam questions.
I'll start off with a category
Bad things to hear from the cockpit of a plane.
"say, how DO airplanes stay in the air anyway?"
Unusually witty quips from a pokemon NPC
"Is it normal for Quilladin to watch you as you sleep while holding a machete?"
Jigsaw's instructions to Justin Bieber in a death trap....
"You can cut off your own leg with the saw or...SCREW IT you dont get a choice, youre dead."
Bad things to say on the opening of the Wembley stadium.
"Can I use your balls?"
Female anchor as Meredith Viera is being mauled to death on live international television?
"Wow, who knew lions could hold a pencil?" (Journalist, and I chose mauled by lions. Yes, I know I suck)
In a restaurant about to drink some weird looking soup
Sorry, I may not have explained it clear enough.
You have to give a CATEGORY. Such as "Bad things to hear in hospital" or "Unhelpful things to say in a crisis", or perhaps "Books headed straight for the bargain bin."
Then the next person gives an answer like this:
Category: "Unlikely things to read on a road sign"
Next person: "Help me! I'm trapped in a sign making factory!"
"Bad things to hear at your 4th birthday party"
Use this link for examples (Warning: Contains EXTREMELY strong language and adult humor. Click only if you are not afraid of mature jokes.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd6kylWkWmE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd6kylWkWmE)
Hahex got a correct category which is more of what they should be.
So I'll start a new category, since that is kinda... Well, not it.
Unlikely things to hear on a talent show.
"Hello we're One Direction"
Seeee normal ones now... I thought this topic had gone mental.
Things you wouldn't want to hear said on a budget airline.
Quote from: Chlo on November 19, 2013, 20:46
"Hello we're One Direction"
Hahaha xD
"In the event of an emergency oxygen masks will dangle from the ceiling and untangling them will piss you off before you die."
Unlikely things to hear at the Oscars.
My bad.
"And the winner is, Dora the Explorer."
Last thing you want to hear during a surgery.
"HOLY GOD! NURSE, YOU GOTTA COME LOOK AT THIS!"
Bad things to say at Christmas.
"Where does this squidgy thing go again?"
Damn snipe.
"Bah Humbug"
I was thinking on the spot, okay?
Unlikely things for a quizmaster to say
"Uhhh..... I forgot the question."
Unlikely things to hear on a "reality" TV show.
"WELCOME TO ROBOT WARS! CRUNCHER?"
"Ready!"
"STEVEN HAWKING?"
"*robotic voice* ready."
Bad things to hear at the Olympics.
"The athletes are all robots!"
LAst thing you'd like to hear at the doctor's office.
"Now what seems to be the - HOLY HELL!"
Bad things to hear on a tannoy system.
"The world is about to explode"
Unlikely thing to hear on a late night talk show
"Hi, I'm Jeremy Kyle and I'm here to solve problems from some gullible morons that made some cruddy decisions.
Kill me now."
Unlikely things to hear on a cookery show.
"Actually hate cooking, I just did it for the health benefits."
Last thing you want to hear on a weather show
"And here it will be raining... Meteorites."
Things a newsreader wouldn't say.
"HOLY HELL! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
Things you wouldn't hear on this topic.
"Baby, baby, baby ooohh" (because I would shoot a crossbow bolt in their pie hole.)
Unlikely letters to TV channels.
Dear network,
You suck.
Unlikely things to hear at a bar or a place with a bar.
"Hey baby, are you an angel? Cos I'm allergic to feathers. *vomits*"
Bad things to hear on the highway
"We've lowered the speed limit to 5 mph/kph."
The most unusual thing to hear at a pet store.
"Wanna by a parrot? He knows all the major swear words. Tell them Jerry."
"&%$#!!! &%$#!!! &%$#!!!"
Books headed straight for the bargain bin.
Walking
By: Ira N Alot (I run a lot)
Same category as before.
How to cross the street
By Luke Bothways.
Unhelpful safety advice
I had one for the books one :(
Maths: the basics. - Juan and Juan Mextoo (one and one makes two.)
Step 1. Run for your life!
Unlikely homework assignments.
Shoot Justin Bieber.
Unlikely song lyrics.
Hey, I love Justin Bieber, and kicking puppies!
Last thing you'd expect to hear at McDonald's
"I'm sorry sir, our burgers only go up to triple stack."
"Fine, then give me two of them and a staple gun."
Bad things for an astronaut to say on live feed.
"Houston, we have a problem."
The thing you'd never want to say at the dinner table.
"Pull my finger."
Unappetising things to read on a menu.
Frog Tidbits
Same category
Specials:
Monday - Crap
Tuesday - Crap
Wednesday - crap
Thursday - Crap
Friday - Crap
Saturday - Lots of crap
Sunday - You're fired. - Manager.
Bad things to hear from a tour guide.
"I've never been here before."
Bad thing to hear on a cruise ship
"Has anyone else here seen Titanic?"
Bad things to say in a crowded shopping mall.
"I just farted."
Unlikely thing to hear on a school bus.
"Red light. Still red... Still red... YELLOW, QUICK, DRIVE!"
Unlikely things to see on a roadsign.
(My own for that category - "when red lights flash... GET DOWN WITH THE GROOVE"
Speed Limit:
Does it even exist?
Last thing you'd like to hear while being chased by a rhino.
"Stop drop and roll!"
*CRUNCH*
"Okay cancel that."
The worst thing for the Pope to say in his first public speech.
"I'm a homosexual muslim!"
I have nothing against Homosexuals or muslims.
Worst thing to hear just as you're about to beat a video game.
"Come off that game, we're going to church."
Unlikely things to hear on the opening of the new Wembley stadium.
"This stadium isn't new. it's also made of cheese!"
Unlikely things to hear at a comic book convention
"I haven't taken this Chewbacca costume off in FIVE years!" *Huge smile*
Worst thing to hear as you are driving down a dangerous one lane cliff road
"Look out below!"
Bad things to say when receiving a knighthood.
"I hate the king!"
Worst thing to hear from a telemarketer.
"Press 193 to sign up for our personal courier service. Press 194 to..."
Unlikely things to hear on a children's show
"Kill you parents kids!"
Terrible thing to say at Grandma's birthday party
"Sorry I didn't get you a present, the doctor said you'd be dead."
Bad things to hear on your 40th birthday party.
"You're FORTY?! Wow. I thought you were sixty!"
Worst thing to say on a date with a celebrity
"Pull my finger."
Greetings cards that wouldn't sell.
Hello, you're generally hated by everyone. Congradulations!
Books to be burned.
"Anne Frank Would Be a Belieber-Justin Bieber Autobiography," "I'm Honey Boo Boo!", and "Here's Snooki!"
Same category
The Awesome cool Awesome Life of Justin Bieber!
Last thing you expect to hear at a hardware store
"Can this hack saw cut off a head cleanly?"
Same Category
"Did you know that this kind on hammer can break bone with one tap?"
Books for the bargain bin
Boris Johnson's thesaurus.
(The guy sounds like he's playing charades with the invisible man)
Unlikely relationship advice.
"No means yes!"
Same Category but given to you by Captain Kirk
Women: Highly Illogical
Same only given to you by an athlete
"Coach, is it normal for my foot to be in my armpit?"
Line Freddy Krueger would say when killing off Justin Bieber
"Finally, killing someone who has it coming!"
Last thing you'd expect to hear on a vegetarian cooking show
"Now add a cup of ground beef- err I mean tofu to the mix...."
What not to say when you are at the doctor's office
"Err..... if i have no money, does that mean you'll throw me out the window?"
Unlikely thing to hear from a cop who just pulled you over.
"I like your style. Wanna make out?"
Same category
"Sir, do you know how fast you were driving? ...no? Crap, neither do I!"
Bad things to say to a cop
"No dead bodies in my trunk!"
Same category
"What's the matter? Donut shop shut early?"
Things you wouldn't hear on your driving test.
"Ok, all you gotta do is crash into everyone you see!"
Last thing you'd expect to see on a greeting card.
"I'm Sorry I Cheated On You With The Babysitter"
Same Category
"Sorry that you were a victim of identity theft."
Same category
"Congratulations! You Have Syphilis!"
Same category
"Sorry to hear you're dead"
Exam questions that were omitted.
"Do you find me sexy?"
Same category
"What's your PIN number?"
Same category.
"What is your Social Security number?"
Things Glen Quagmire would say if Lois Griffin was completely drunk....
"List 5 swear words in alphabetical order"
Same category
"Fall down if you want me to do you!" *Lois falls over* "Giggity."
What Jigsaw would say to Kenny McCormick in a death trap....
(Ermmmmm..... Sorry can't answer that. Next person please)
CJ,,just saying. The categories youre giving everyone are pretty hard. Try and make them easier.
Unlikely things to hear on a driving test
(Driver): How do you start the car?
Unlikely thing to hear at a mcdonald's cash register.
"Do you want a salad with that?"
Bad things to say on your first day in the army.
I quit
Last thing you'd like to hear on your birthday.
"By the way, youre adopted."
Bad ways for Barack Obama to address America
"Hello Canada. I'm a terrorist."
(Honestly I wouldn't be surprised)
Bad things to say at a funeral.
*sings* "Another one bites the dust!"
Unlikely lines from a superhero movie.
"I'm a coward! You villians are no match for me!"
Last thing you'd expect to hear at a sporting event.
"AND THEY'RE OFF! THEY'RE OFF! THEY'RE OFF and I should probably keep my voice down because this is snooker."
The worst thing your new neighbor could say.
Nice to meet you, I'm a repeated sex offender!
Same category.
"Would you like to smell some chicken poo?"
Bad things to hear from the cockpit of a plane.
"And there goes the other engine."
Last thing you'd expect to hear on the phone with your grandmother
"I TOLD YOU, MOTHER&$#%ER!"
Unlikely things to hear from a newsreader
(A newsreader?)
"All that I have told you is false."
Last thing to expect to hear from Stephen Hawking
"SURF'S UP!"
Bad things to hear on holiday.
"The holiday is canceled, now get back to school!"
Unlikely thing to hear from Ash
"Scraggy is evolving!"
Unlikely first lines of a Harry Potter book.
"He was a lie."
Last thing you'd expect to read in a Hunger Games book.
"Hunger Games? Sweet, go get me a pizza!"
Unlikely things to hear over a tannoy.
"A pedophile is in the building."
Same cat.
"Only you can hear me."
Strange things to see on a road sign
Help, I'm trapped in a road sign factory!
Same.
"When red lights are flashing... GET DOWN WITH THE GROOVE."
Bad dictionary definitions
Cake - Something you should always avoid, especially when pie is in the premesis.
Last thing you'd expect to hear from a police officer
"You are charged with the murder of Mrs Beaumont. That'll be 8.19 please."
Bad things to say to a policeman.
"Well someone's been hitting the doughnuts."
Horrible fortunes from a fortune cookie.
"You are going to choke on me."
Things a wimbledon commentator wouldn't say
"This is booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring!"
Same category
"As the Scottish man holds the Wimbledon trophy aloft, the earth opens and swallows him whole."
Things you wouldn't hear on a science program.
"And Beckham hits a touchdown!" (It still fits)
Bad thing to say to a gang leader
"Forget me, where's YOUR money?"
Bad names for a Harry Potter book
"Harry Potter and the Magic of Ron Hubble"
Same Category
"Harry Potter and the two other kids that can't act"
Bad things to hear on holiday
you better not be one of those tourist people or you gon get sliced and diced yo
Bad Places to confess your love for a bagel
Quote from: Poison2007 on December 15, 2013, 22:45
Bad Places to confess your love for a bagel
^ This takes the award for weirdest category ever.
The site of the worlds largest microwave.
Unlikely love letters
"Dearest Johnny,
I love you so much that I killed the kids!
Love,
Sally"
Same category
(Not sure if this is inappropriate, but I had the idea. Tell me if it is.)
"Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have chlamydia
And now so do you"
Bad greetings card messages
"Sorry I $%#^&* You Sister...."
Ling Ling meeting Pikachu?
(Erm.... Who's Ling Ling?)
^(Ling Ling is a parody version of Pikachu)
Why do you look like me?
Books for the bargin bin.
"Horton Kills a Who!"
Same category
"How to swing like Miley Cyrus"
Bad things to hear on your 4th birthday party,
"Happy Birthday sweetie. By the way, I killed Daddy!"
Worst title for a 007 movie
"007: Squirtle Edition"
(Because its pokemon no.007? Get it? Shut up)
Bad things to hear in court.
Judge (Sternly): I find you guilty- (Seductively) of being sexy! Mrrrrrrrroow!
Worst thing to say during a traffic stop
"Its times like this I'm glad we dont have Transformers."
Unlikely things to hear on a news report.
"And in other news, I haz cheezburger!"
Things Ash would say if he was drunk
"I just won the pokemon league!"
Unlikely newspaper headlines.
"I Just Saved Up to 15 Percent by Switching to Geico!"
Same Category
"Reports of a mystery man loitering the area turned out to be me."
Bad things to hear on a train.
"Uh, where's the tracks."
Unlikely thing to hear a clergy say.
"I'd like to announce today my children that I am gay!"
Same category
"You're all damned to hell!"
Unlikely things to hear at a bonfire
"Throw Susie into the fire! She's an EVIL witch!"
Books that a cat would write
"To kill a mockingbird"
Unlikely board game instructions.
1. Grab a knife
2. Stab you parents
3. Roll the die....
Same Category
"Three players gather around the board. The fourth is dangled out the window."
Bad things to hear from your partner.
"Guess what! (Singing) I haaaaaave theeeeeee Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaids!"
Things that Grandma should NEVER say
"I've won the lottery, &%$#ers! I'm off for a booze cruise!"
Things you wouldn't see in a news paper.
"BREAKING NEWS: Zelda Marries Tom Cruise"
Things a dad should never say at a piano recital
"I'll be honest dear, that was terrible. Your terrible, okay?"
Unlikely safety advice.
Stay at home. You'll be safe at home. Nothing ever goes wrong when you are at- What's that? More accidents happen in the home?! Scratch what I just said. Just hope you will die soon because nothing is safe.
Snooki in an AA meeting
(Yeah, I dont really know what a Snooki is but it sounds like a rabbit. Like I said, thats one of the categories that's too hard/specific.)
New category: Bad things to see on a road sign
(Snooki was one of the stars on Jersey Shore, which is the stupidest show on the planet)
"Warning! You are driving on unstable cliffs."
Bad things to read on a greeting card.
"Happy 147th birthday!"
Bad things to hear in a hospital
im sorry, but you have super herpes. (no one is going to get that reference :( )
same category
"You have 24 hours to live. Also, I forgot to tell yo this yesterday."
Something to say to troll on an epic level.
*farts* "does anyone else smell popcorn?"
Bad things to hear in a superhero film
"Let's kill the batman!"
Bad thing to hear on a cruise liner.
"We're about to experience some minor waves. Followed by a lot of sinking.
Unhelpful things to say in a crisis
"We're all gonna die!"
Unlikely thing to hear from the CEO of McDonald's
"I do enjoy a good salad"
Bad things for your new president to say
"congress and the courts have been destroyed!"
same category
"My first act as President will be increasing taxes by 90%!"
Same category
"we are changing the name of the white house to he orange-and-green house because it was too racist before"
same category
"I declare war on Canada!"
Worst thing that Grandma could say during dinner
"I hate all of you!"
Bad thing to say to a passionate sports fan.
"LOL WHY DO YOU EVEN ENJOY SWEATY IDIOTS JOGGING AROUND MESSING WITH A BALL UR AN IDIOT"
bad hings to hear while driving a car
"I cut the brakes!"
Same category
"And there goes both his right front tires!" (I made a reference)
Bad things to hear while eating fish
"You aren't supposed the eat the oyster's shells, sir"
Unappetizing things to read on a menu
Fried Rats Feet.
Same cat
Specials:
Monday - Crap
Tuesday - Crap
Wednesday - Crap
Thursday - Crap
Friday - Crap
Saturday - Super crap
Sunday - Youre fired ~ Manager
The worst thing to say when running for president.
"I'm a pedophile who also happens to be a terrorist!"
Bad songs to play at a funeral.
Highway to heaven
Bad things to see in a greetings card
"You have been dumped."
Bad things to hear from you mother.
"Happy 16th birthday! Now get the hell out of my house!"
What the voices in Barack Obama's head are saying
"Ignore the people, you're doing a great job!"
Things you'd like to say to Obama.
<insert political stuff no one wants to hear>
same category
Goodbye to You by Scandal/Patty Smyth
Same Category
You sir are a *goes on a rant saying he's a traitor*
Bad things to say to your school teacher.
"when will i need to know algebra in the future lol" done this before ::)
same category
*Seductively* Is there any way I can make you give me an A, sexy?
Same Category
"Is their a reason you're so obsessed with your X's or are you just plain creepy?"
My maths teacher hates me for that xD
Worst thing to hear in a musical
"OH NO! THE GIRL PLAYING DORTHY IS DEAD!!!!"
Brock's reaction to Nurse Joy accepting a date offer
*Faints*
Yes, that's his reaction.
A bad thing to say during a fox hunt.
"Hello, wittle kitty!"
What Misty would say if she got drunk
"Ash! I love you, now take over my gym!"
Things you'd not expect a politician to say.
"Look, we all know we're not going to win..."
Bad things to hear from your mother
"You're not getting a christmas."
Bad things to hear from your Home Economics/"Life Skills" teacher
"And thats how you hide a body."
Bad things to hear on a driving test
"Here's your license!" *Shreds it*
Bad things to hear on a children's cartoon.
"Let's learn the alphabet! A is for Adopted, like you."
Bad junk mail.
"To you, a love letter, which is 10 pages long!" (It's not meant for you.)
Things you'd never hear from a tailor.
"Jesus Christ, eat a salad!"
Bad things to hear in your doorstep at 3am
*Ka-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Same category please.
"Are you paying too much for your car insurance?"
Bad safety advice
Always cross the street with your eyes closed!
Same category
"In the event of a fire, run like &%$#."
Bad things to hear in a restaraunt
*Scene: The Cheesecake Factory from The Big Bang Theory*
Bernadette: I was working with botulism bacteria in the lab today and I think I may have forgotten to wash my hands before I came in....
Horrible name for a Disney movie
The Death of Simba.
Bad titles for a film documentary on the life of Nelson Mandela.
"I Was Mandela's Prision B****"
Horrible name of a song about kittens and puppies
Animal Slayer.
Bad book title for a book about the life of Michael Jackson.
"Come Play With Me!"
Awful things to stuff a roast turkey with
its children
same category
Broken glass and shaving cream
Worst thing to get as a Christmas present
Broken glass
bad things to happen to you while doing laundry.
the machine falls through the floor not the answer you were fishing for was it hoo ha haaaa
same category
Dryer elves grab you and stuff you into the dryer and turns it on the highest setting where you basically roast to death. The elves then eat you and steal your socks!
Unexpected names on Santa's Nice List
David Cameron and possibly some british MP!
Me.
Since Spriter forgot to enter a category I did CJ's again.
Bad things to hear on Christmas
"Merry Christmas honey! I'm leaving you for attractive rich Latino doctor Julio Enrique Ricado Estan Martinez!"
Same Category
"That's the presents opened, now let's log onto eBay."
Same category
"SOCKS?!!! WHO THE $&*# GIVES SOCKS AS CHRISTMAS GIFTS?!!!"
Worst Christmas song ever
"All I want for Christmas is poo"
Bad things to see in your stocking on Christmas
your dead stepmother
same category
A Justin Bieber doll
Worst name for a superhero
"I'm Procrastination Man! ...Where is everybody? What's with all the blood?"
Same category
captain underpants
captain u.s.s.r
same category
Macbeth
You'd better get the joke.
Jokes that if you don't get, you're dumb.
"His power is over 9000!"
Worst idea for a video game
The game where you control a character playing a video game which has a character playing a video game which has a character playing a video game which has a character playing a video game which has a character playing a video game which has a character playing a video game which has a character playing a video game,
NP SQ
Watching Paint Dry: The Game
Worst idea for a sitcom
2 drunks who go on racist rants in public.
Obvious warnings on a product package.
On coffee: Warning- This is HOT. If you spill it, you will feel pain. If you are too stupid to realize this coffee is HOT then either you should have ordered ICED coffee or not even be drinking coffee at all.
Same category
Bleach - Warning! Do not drink, or the chemicals in this product could kill you.
NP SC (Next person, same category)
Peanuts: Contains nuts.
Bad TV adverts.
Bald guy advertising hairspray.
Pokémon moves
Magikarp's Revenge: The user splashes the opponent into oblivion.
Unnerving things to see through a telescope.
Dr. Laura nude
Same Category
Your mother's buttocks.
Bad ways to address the country.
"Citizens of the United States, I have accidentally launched nuclear missiles. My bad...."
Worst thing to keep as a pet
Your mother's buttocks.
(Warning: Running joke will probably ensue)
Bad things to see on a road sign.
Your mother's buttocks
NP SC
Quote from: ShinyBlaziken2000 on December 31, 2013, 21:37
Your mother's buttocks
That's my line.
"When red lights are flashing, GET DOWN WITH THE GROOVE!"
Things you wouldn't hear on a children's show.
Your mother's buttocks
It's still funny.
NP SC
"Let's learn the alphabet! A is for Adopted, like you."
Bad things to hear on a flight to Mars.
"Uh.... What's Mars?"
Bad things to hear while delivering a pizza
"Well, we finally got rid of that alley cat!"
Bad things to say to your first date
If not gay: "I'm gay."
If gay: "I'm not gay."
That would make it awkward.
NP SC
"I'm so glad you came to dinner with me. I've been alone since my last 27 wives died of natural causes."
Bad things to say on your first day in the army.
"Hey guys, I just told that lovely man wearing sunglasses back there all about our secret plan against the enemy! I'm glad he was so interested!"
Bad things to say to a gorilla.
"Your mother was an ant, and your dad is dumb!"
Bad things to say when you're in the hunger games arena.
"Twilight is better!"
Plot of worst Sylvester and Tweety cartoon
Tweety Bird dies of natural causes.
Bad things to use a Thunder Stone on.
Magikarp
Worst hunting season for Elmer Fudd to be part of
Your mother's buttocks.
Bad things to say to your sick friend.
"Uh... Yeah... The doctor says you're gonna die...."
Worst New Year's resolution ever
To get a hangover.
Worst things to name a Goomy.
Goomy.
Bad things to say to a hipster.
Your mother's buttocks. I've heard that the local coffee shop is going out of business.
Bad things to dip in milk.
Your mother's buttocks.
Bad visual.
Things you wouldn't hear on the News.
"And in other news, Justin Bieber was hit by a car and I don't care! *Anchorwoman smile*"
Worst idea for an amusement park ride (Your mother's buttocks doesn't count!)
A bucket full of your mother's buttocks other people's puke from going on the ride.
Bad things to clip your fingernails with.
Gardening shears
Horrible concept for a toy
Your mother's buttocks A demon-possessed baby doll
Bad things to do in a department store