Author Topic: The Bastion [C][Pw]  (Read 4929 times)

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Offline SirBlaziken

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2013, 22:54 »
Alright, I made the origin of my powers known.
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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2013, 22:58 »
Fair enough, but next time, please just tell me instead of leaving without a word.

Lulu, you can have a spot. Take as long as you need, we're not going anywhere.

Shiny, I'd like for you to proof read it. There are a few places where commas really should and shouldn't be. Also, as the wounds are transferred, wouldn't he be bleeding out? As in, severely? What about brain damage? Was anyone else around to see this? Was nobody calling an ambulance? It seems trivial now, but leaving out important details isn't a good idea.

Speaking of forms, here's mine - it's a WIP, but it's nearly done.

Name: Al-don (human name used for convenience, alien name unpronounceable in human tongue)

Alias: Tin Soldier

Age: 17

Gender: No known gender, prefers to be referred to with male terms

Species: Alien (unknown origin)

Description: About thirty centimetres across and fifteen high, Al-don is literally a blob. When not inhabiting some form of technology, Earthly in origin or otherwise, Al-don is a mass of fluorescent orange goo, with what appear to be bubbles rising through his body. Depending on his mood, Al-don will either appear darker or lighter in tone, and it is not uncommon for his species to begin to vibrate violently when enraged. When talking, Al-don will move up and down slightly with each word, as if rising in time to the beat of some form of music or another. However, given that he never spends that much time outside of the suit, this is not a common thing to see.

In the shell issued to him by the government, Al-don stands at around six feet tall, and the way the shell is constructed gives the impression of an athletic build – though slightly bulkier, given the fact that all the components needed for an automaton to function have to have some sort of room. Though shaped like a human, the robot body Al-don is in has various telltale signs that it is robotic – not just the fact it is blatantly made out of metal. For one, where joints are, there are the lines that show how it is supposed to move. There is also a cooling vent on his back, but this is only opened when it is needed. As for his head, it bears a resemblance to a motorcycle helmet, only the size is the same as that of the average human head, and the reflective orange visor is inside the helmet.

Personality: I’d prefer to develop it, and let you make your own assumptions.

Power(s)/Abilities: Al-don’s species is able to force his way into most power suits and robots (not androids), and take complete control of them. He has to stick with the automaton the government had recovered and refurbished for him, however, due to lack of training in how to use his abilities effectively. What this means, essentially, is that he has all the powers of an elite-level mook.
Al-don is protected by a thick, lightweight alloy shell that acts as the casing for all his inner workings. The body he has taken over can lift up to half a ton, and can run at up to 8mph.

Power(s)/Abilities Source: Al-don is a member of a race of gelatinous life-forms, famed for their ability to wire themselves into power armour and automatons. It is not often that a member of the race will meet another, though, as they usually just drift aimlessly through space in units they’ve hijacked. About a third of them will gain personalities once their “parent” has reproduced, in a manner similar to asexual microorganisms. ((Shut it, I’m a kid, not a scientist.)) He ended up crashing to Earth by sheer coincidence, but managed to limp away before he was discovered. However, the suit he was in was badly damaged, though barely functional.

A wandering scientist eventually happened upon the alien in its suit, and was surprised to find out it spoke perfect English. It actually didn’t – the suit was doing the talking, through a built-in language translator. Alien tech and all that. Al-don got his body patched up – not fixed, mind - and the two formed a dynamic duo. Al-don’s new friend had a new set of armour built for him, and together, they fought crime wherever they could, making waves in their city, all while Al-don learnt human customs and suchlike at the same time. It was brilliant fun, until the automatons.

Forced to flee and abandon everything, the pair headed south as fast as possible, though Al-don’s existence was not unknown to the shady government types that happened to be about. Al-don had come to love Earth – and he felt that he couldn’t just stand by, watching while his adopted homeworld was being decimated by soulless machines. Slightly naïve in this sense, it became apparent that the years had taught Al-don well. When he transferred into the captured and modified automaton shell, it soon became apparent that he would be brilliant for the job. And that there is pretty much how he got into his current suit.

Weakness(es): Due to his gooey nature, when out of a suit, Al-don is a match for a snail when it comes to speed, and that’s about it. It should also be noted that he must be frequently moisturised if not inhabiting machinery – otherwise, eh just kind of shrivels up and dies.
As for the body itself, while vulnerable to EMPs, it makes an automaton like the one Al-don is ‘wearing’ stop dead in its tracks for a few seconds, but doesn’t do much else. However, it’s still possible to short-circuit it, and the automatons are only waterproof and watertight up to twelve meters. Stuffing something in the ventilation when Al-don opens it usually screws him over as well.

Weapon(s): N/A

Other: Nope.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2013, 02:25 by Reluctant Wailord »

Offline SirBlaziken

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2013, 23:11 »
Well, it missed the brain, but, ok. Also, I'm finished and just need a comma sweep.

Edit: Done, I think. I'll let my ela teacher you look through it to see if I need to look again.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2013, 23:15 by ShinyBlaziken2000 »
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Reluctant Wailord

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #18 on: September 19, 2013, 23:34 »
I'm no medical expert, but there was a bullet through his skull - not only would that cause massive bleeding, both internally and externally, but how would you stop it just before you blacked out? You could put a cloth to it, but that wouldn't do much, and would likely make things worse. And where were they, in the middle of  field? Gunshots aren't exactly quiet, you know.

Offline SirBlaziken

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #19 on: September 20, 2013, 02:07 »
It was an alley, and by the time I finish adding all of this, the rp will be about fixing my form. Anyways, I'll just say the memory is hazy and I can remember much.
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Reluctant Wailord

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #20 on: September 20, 2013, 10:31 »
No, I'm not accepting your form until you provide a reasonable explanation. Added to that, an alley is, by definition, 'A narrow passageway between or behind buildings'. It only raises further questions - if they were in a populated area, why didn't anyone hear them? Why were they in the alley? Who even wanted to shoot them, anyway?
So, basically, fix your form, or you're not being accepted.

Offline SirBlaziken

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #21 on: September 20, 2013, 11:35 »
You know what? I'm going to modify to origin story to something else.
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Offline Cody999

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #22 on: September 20, 2013, 17:05 »
Also, Cody, while not  major gripe, you may want to proof-read your work. I understand your spelling and grammar won't be perfect, but it'd be great if you could touch up on it a bit.

Ah grammar has always been a weakness of mine although I'll do what I can. - I think I have touched it up a bit, although I'm not sure if I have done that much to it.
Sup ~ I RP and stuff.
Also called Cody on err... pretty much everything.
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Offline MzLuluZombi

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #23 on: September 20, 2013, 23:30 »
I have finished editing my form.  =3  Please tell me if you'd like me to alter it or if I was too vague somewhere.
Quote
RubyRobin: Would a morph with Grumpig be able to do his swag dancing?
MzLuluZ: BOOOOOOOOOOY, YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE SWAG DANCING YOU WANT!
RubyRobin: Yaaaaaay!!! I shall do Grumpigs swag dance aaaaaaaaaalll day xD
Quote from: The Entertainer
So uhmmmm, you quote yourself huh?
.......not weird at all kiddo :p

Offline Private Delano Donut

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #24 on: September 21, 2013, 01:05 »
Name: Allison Westerly

Alias: Lina

Age: 14

Gender: female

Species: Humanoid Harpy ((this is a like SCIENCE AGE thing so i dont know it thatll work but shes sort of a human hybrid idk omg let me know, okay?))

Description: Lina, being only fourteen, is short and surprisingly underdeveloped. She's terribly skinny and pale, with freckles across her face and her scraggly red hair pulled usually into a sloppy ponytail. Wings sprout from her shoulder blades, making her arms almost unusable. They're thin from little use and she has very little movement in them without also moving her wings unintentionally. She simply likes to act as if she has no arms and uses her feet if she needs to operate anything.

Personality: Stubborn, independent, and usually rude. Deterioration from very young internal bleeding has caused an AI unit to be placed in her brain to connect electrical waves and alter her bone density when properly enabled. There's more to her, but I plan to play it out.

Power(s)/Abilities: Her ability to fly. She can only fly short distances and low to the ground without any equipment, but when hooked to both of the two technological partners, after a slow change, it's only the beginning of what she's able to do.

Power(s)/Abilities Source: The two basic AIs implanted in the involuntary movement area of her brain are able to alter her bone density. This is because the fact that she's already a bird hybrid has created two completely different spectrums of bone mass, and as a result, the human filler can be treated as a foreign substance in her body by the flip of a switch, It's unknown if she would be able to live through the change and it has not been tested on her before.

Weakness(es): Human level durability, the very little use of her arms and wings before switch via AI, and her huge ego.

Weapon(s): her toenails and fingernails are taloned and shes pretty darn good with steel-toed boots. She's got the flexibility of a martial artist, as it is a must for her to go about daily life using her feet instead of her hands.

Other: anything i missed?? man you tell me if i missed something please and thanks

if i could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?

Reluctant Wailord

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #25 on: September 21, 2013, 02:29 »
Lulu, Private, you're in. I'll add you to the list shortly.
Cody, your form's good to go, bar one thing - how tall is 'nearly 7ft'? Because seven feet is pretty big, for a kid. Unless your power's growth.
On another note, I've finished my form. You should look at it. You know, for reference and all that.

Offline MzLuluZombi

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #26 on: September 21, 2013, 12:05 »
Yay =D

Also I went back and tweaked the form a little with the name and power source.  I changed Alice back to Penelope because we had Al-don, Alice and Allison.  XD
Quote
RubyRobin: Would a morph with Grumpig be able to do his swag dancing?
MzLuluZ: BOOOOOOOOOOY, YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE SWAG DANCING YOU WANT!
RubyRobin: Yaaaaaay!!! I shall do Grumpigs swag dance aaaaaaaaaalll day xD
Quote from: The Entertainer
So uhmmmm, you quote yourself huh?
.......not weird at all kiddo :p

Offline SirBlaziken

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #27 on: September 21, 2013, 14:18 »
Sorry, my mom is forcing me to have a life, I'll finish later.
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Reluctant Wailord

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #28 on: September 21, 2013, 23:57 »
I blame the Illuminati for all the Als. 'Tis a conspiracy, I tells you.

Shiny, I really don't see the point in you telling us this. Please, just tell me when you've changed it, not that you're going to. I know you're going to, you've already told all of us. That aside, you'd posted that a day after you said you'd redo his origin story. Doesn't posting this:
Sorry, my mom is forcing me to have a life, I'll finish later.
seem a little arbitrary?

Offline Private Delano Donut

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Re: The Bastion [J][Pw]
« Reply #29 on: September 22, 2013, 01:31 »
Also I went back and tweaked the form a little with the name and power source.  I changed Alice back to Penelope because we had Al-don, Alice and Allison.  XD

haha, i apologize!! but i dont see anything wrong with having so many ALs?? coincidence, yo. sorry for having you change your characters name, i feel kind of bad  :(

if i could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?