Make a Wish. Have it horribly corrupted.

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, you're a soft kitty, that was just snatched up by a hawk.

I wish I was an eagle.

[the bread dragon]

granted, you are an eagle. however, you are a youngeagle killee in a matter of seconds.

i wish for moar pants so i wont freeze

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but you have less shirts.

I wish for the Cleveland Browns to win Sunday's game.

[the bread dragon]

nope
granted but they lose all the other games and everyone laughs and them
i wish i could remember some of this text shorthand!

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but you are cursed to talk in it.

I wish for a taco.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. Taco's Puttin' On the Ritz plays everywhere you go now.

I wish for a Soft Kitty Singing Plush toy!

[the bread dragon]

granted, but it gets hold of a knife. and we all know what plush toys do with knives.

i wish for sleep

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but it never comes.

I wish that my homework would do itself and I'd get perfect scores on it and everything involving school.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. You are then thrown in prison when it is revealed thar the reason its so perfect is because it's all plagiarized!

I wish for ice cream!

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but it's poop flavored.

I wish to be able to set people on fire without lighters, matches, etc.

[Wolstenholme]

Granted but it's deadly, spontaneous fire so you get fatally injured with no warning whatsoever.

[SirBlaziken]

No wish? Fine, you explode.

I wish for a bow and arrows to go with it.

[Wolstenholme]

Damn I forgot my wish!!

Granted but they are possessed by and evil spirit and they shoot YOU.

I wish my Mum wasn't making me do chores when I should be essay writing.

[the bread dragon]

granted but when you finish said essay, it burns, and in the process, burns your entire house down.

guess you have to start over!

i wish for food
lots of food

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but it's poisoned.

I wish for Nelson Mandela to be alive.