Quotes from your Life

[SirBlaziken]

Basically, you tell hilarious or profound quotes you've heard from others in real life.

First one is a favorite of mine between my brother and I:

Gavin: Out of the voices in my head, Morgan Freeman and Johnny Depp are my favorites. Morgan Freeman narrates.
Me: Then who's Johnny Depp?
Gavin: Johnny Depp is whoever he wants to be. *Scoffs*

Here's another one, where I actually get one on my brother (It's rare):

*My brother is dancing with the mop*

Gavin: Hey guys look! It's Taylor Swiffer!
Me: Yeah, your first girlfriend, and your last.

Here's one between a foster kid that my grandparents are taking care of and I:

Me: Alright, I have a number in my head between 1 and 5. Guess
Savannah: 6

Edit: Another one between Savannah, Gavin and I

Gavin: You know, they (My grandparents) could shave your head bald.
Savannah: Hey, I'd say no.
Gavin: Not like you'd have a choice.
Me: Yeah, they could shave your head bald, ship you off to the Himalayas to become a Buddhist monk and you still wouldn't have a say in it.

(Please note that I did not want to offend anyone who happens to be Buddhist.)

[sylar]

"thats the last time im getting down on my knees for zachary quinto" - my mum circa 2009
still the best

[Mr. Apple]

"wheres all this ice coming from" -my mum helping my brother and i make a snowman

[Private Delano Donut]

"i've had a wedgie since third period"
cody had a real tough time w/ that wedgie tbh i was worried for his health

[Cody999]

"So what is she? An I.T consultant, Businesswoman or Dinosaur maker?"

A conversation between me and my friends about someones job.

[Wolstenholme]

Me: *sits down for breakfast*
Budgie (Hombo): bye-bye!
Me: You going somewhere, Homb-Homb?


This happens a lot.

[Meowstic Royalty]

(Being annoyed by some idiot in my class)
"No offense, but I want to tear off your face with a chainsaw then force you to eat it."

(Trying to build a birdhouse)
"If it won't stay together with tape then there isn't any point."

(In Science class talking about muscles and stuff)
"It takes 42 muscles to frown but only 6 to punch the ******* in the face."

(Commenting on a friend's new look)
"You look like someone shaved a monkey's bum and kicked it into Topman."

(Seeing a friend at a Halloween party dressed as a mummified pirate)
"Yo ho ho and a bottle of Ra!"

[lets all go out for some frosty chocolate milkshakes]

"farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt"

- my butt

[sans the skeleton]

i don't have a real life but i have an avid internet life so here you go

TL;DR an insight into my nerdish and uncool mind but you see my coolest friends i guess:

Me trying to get someone to say one of my character's names in the right pronunciation (Astilide)

[28/09/2013 22:16:25] Miss Anonymous: ASS
[28/09/2013 22:16:25] Miss Anonymous: TILL
[28/09/2013 22:16:27] Miss Anonymous: EE
[28/09/2013 22:16:28] Miss Anonymous: DEE
[28/09/2013 22:16:29] Miss Anonymous: christ
[28/09/2013 22:16:57] (Friend with a name that is actually filtered): astilide christ? i thought her surname was covington
[28/09/2013 22:17:35] Miss Anonymous: IT IS THAT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH gGH

Friend on writing a yaoi book about the guild they were in with my character.
Context: my character's pregnant and isn't actually popular in the guild at all
naturally you can tell how badrp i am (not) by the name of the cheerleading team
burk is /not/ the father
there was also a voice chat and inbetween these two conversations burk's character was just like 'bUT I AM CELIBATE'
and uh anders is hawke and he had like the max ilvl for WoW at the time

[28/09/2013 22:42:58] Janne: :DD
[28/09/2013 22:43:03] Miss Anonymous: i want to see what burk does to reanos's poor (body)
[28/09/2013 22:43:22] Janne: "Felicia walked with a pack of girls, all members of the school's cheerleading team, the Scarlet Sisters. One of the first to follow her was Astilide Covington, a popular girl among the boys, albeit that popularity eventually caused an unfortunate consequence which was now visible around her stomach. Even worse, Astilide had brought down the name of the school celibacy club.

[28/09/2013 22:44:12] Janne: lol
[28/09/2013 22:44:13] Janne: burk is
[28/09/2013 22:44:19] Janne: celibate?
[28/09/2013 22:44:24] Miss Anonymous: not anymore

*more idle banter*

[28/09/2013 22:49:53] Janne: celibate.
[28/09/2013 22:49:55] Janne: ruins people.
[28/09/2013 22:49:57] Anders: is he really?
[28/09/2013 22:50:05] Janne: puts him on edge
[28/09/2013 22:50:13] Janne: y'know
[28/09/2013 22:50:19] Janne: Yeah but like
[28/09/2013 22:50:24] Janne: not conciously
[28/09/2013 22:50:35] Janne: within his mind his latin-lover mind yearns for reanos
[28/09/2013 22:50:46] Janne: latin-lover senses tickle
[28/09/2013 22:50:56] Janne: I'm referring to the Scarlet Bible.
[28/09/2013 22:51:26] Janne: yeah
[28/09/2013 22:51:28] Janne: the fifty shades
[28/09/2013 22:51:47] Janne: it was like the records of the Sov
[28/09/2013 22:51:48] Janne: yeah
[28/09/2013 22:51:49] Janne: I was writing it
[28/09/2013 22:51:51] Miss Anonymous: 8D
[28/09/2013 22:51:56] Miss Anonymous: sorry i just had to kill a rogue
[28/09/2013 22:52:08] Miss Anonymous: it was attacking rogue
[28/09/2013 22:52:10] Miss Anonymous: i mean hawke
[28/09/2013 22:52:13] Miss Anonymous: it was attacking rogue
[28/09/2013 22:52:17] Miss Anonymous: HAWKE
[28/09/2013 22:52:19] Miss Anonymous: HAWKE YOU'RE DYING
[28/09/2013 22:52:24] Miss Anonymous: HAWKE YOU'RE DEAD

talking about a particularly evil guy called bile who is another of burk's characters
burk is jon

[30/09/2013 15:15:24] Jonathan: Lucius Bile sings "poor unfortunate souls" !!!!
[30/09/2013 15:15:44] Jonathan: Would be epicness!!!
[30/09/2013 15:16:04] Anders "hawke the warrior": hahaha
[30/09/2013 15:16:05] Miss Anonymous: ohmygd
[30/09/2013 15:16:09] Miss Anonymous: BILE IS SECRETLY URSULA
[30/09/2013 15:16:53] Jonathan: He's the male ursula OMG it makes sense they both use magic to augment others in return for their soul!!!!
[30/09/2013 15:17:07] Jonathan: Yes!
[30/09/2013 15:17:32] Jonathan: Next reading I'm singing that song in the lucius voice ^^
[30/09/2013 15:19:09] Miss Anonymous: lucius is part octopus
[30/09/2013 15:19:12] Miss Anonymous: when did this happen
[30/09/2013 15:19:12] Miss Anonymous: xD
[30/09/2013 15:19:34] Anders "hawke the warrior": a few seconds ago
[30/09/2013 15:20:44] Jonathan: Or maybe ursula is part Bile
[30/09/2013 15:24:24] Miss Anonymous: nah prolly not ursula's a complete package

and just now he sent me (rather astilide my character) a nightmare and i just

[20:48:36] Jonathan Nigella: Sitting on the boardwalk along westguard Damon at her side Astilide is contemplating a joyful future with her family, a little bird lands at her side and pecks softly at the tips of her fingers thinking them food, she recalls her hand startled but when she and Damon spot the thing they share a laugh. Damon gets up, giving Astilide a kiss on the cheek as he does so, and walks up the boardwalk, Astilide watches him walk away before spotting a familiar green shape flying in the skyline, she shakes her head and looks again to see nothing, she looks back at Damon who is talking with one of the works, the two seem to be trying to dislodge a piece of rope stuck over the boardwalk to no avail, Damon send the worker aback and drapes the rope over his shoulders,  Astilide notices a green winged serpent beneath the planks, in it's maw lies the end of the rope, the cord sits around Damons neck the Drake almost winks at her as she tries to scream out. In an instant Damon falls from the boardwalk, but he does not fall the whole way the rope catching him around the neck *snap* as he is accidental hanged, Damon is brought over the side as she looks over his lifeless body in horror, she does not look at the worker in the face but as he says: "Such a pity..." she knows the mans voice all too well(Bile) and wakes up crying, hugging Damon tightly in fear.
[20:48:53] Jonathan: Approve?
[20:48:58] なぜあなたはこれを翻訳したのですか: reading
[20:49:31] なぜあなたはこれを翻訳したのですか: approve

(( bearing in mind how my characters are my babies just haHAHA. damon's the father. ))




also here's an IRL quote because on topic:

get back in the friendzone right now mister

[Meowstic Royalty]

"farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt"

- my butt

I have never laughed at a fart joke this much... Ever.

[deeply disturbed espurr]

i was playing scribblenauts while talking to my friend. this happened.

Me: i tYPED IN CHINA AND ALL I GOT WAS A PLATE. A FREAKIGN PLATE
Me: "eat on top of me aru"
Friend: NO NO NOOOOOOO
Me: "put chinese tasty treat on me aru"
Friend: might i suggest a chinese tasty treat
Me: we dont want any

[SirBlaziken]

Last night:

*Two guys trying to look like reapers walk by me*

Me: Hello Not Scary 1 and Not Scary 2

*NS2 walks up and gets inches from my face*

NS2: You're going to Hell first.

(Note: Did this thing called trip to Hell last night, well executed.)

[SaRo|Rapidash]

(After having bothered gelling my hair:)

Natasha (one of my friends): "You look like Robert Patterson"
Me: ".....who?"
Natasha: "Edward from twilight"
Me: "Oooooh, him, isn't he described as being 'impossibly beautiful' in the books?"
Natasha: "Eh, cut that part"

[lets all go out for some frosty chocolate milkshakes]

"TRIGGER WARNING THAT THING FOR GODS SAKES"
- me looking in the mirror

[SirBlaziken]

Another gem from a conversation about on of my cousins' birthday cards (please note he's only 3)

Uncle: What number is on the card? *Points to the #3*
Cousin: Purple