Make a Wish. Have it horribly corrupted.

[MOP]

Granted, it heals at a speed Wolverine would be proud of. But only after it's been transplanted on to my forehead. 

I wish I had a prehensile beard.

[Alexi: Crazier by the Day]

Granted, but I don't know what that is and mess up the wish.

I wish my rose was healed.

[Toshiku Yumari]

Granted. But I don't know how to heal a rose, so it ends up dying anyway. (Would you like me to give it a funeral?)

I wish I didn't need to keep going back and forth from Youtube.

[Z:illyhoo]

Granted. Instead you go forth and back. (ahh.. see what I did there?)

I wish I had some more ice cream...

[En garde...voir]

Granted, but it's surrounded by an impenetrable wall of psychic energy so you can't touch it.

i wish it snowed this Christmas.

[master1]

Granted, but the snowy conditions make it hard for Santa to deliver presents so he doesn't visit until Boxing Day.
D':

I wish for heavy rain. Right now.

[En garde...voir]

Granted, but i's too cold so the rain freezes and you're pounded with hail.

I wish Santa worked more than one day a year,  if he doesn't his health will fail.

[MOP]

Granted he now works over two days instead but has to do ten times more work.

I wish I hadn't died again.

[Z:illyhoo]

Granted, but your previous death makes you a zombie and everyone tries to kill you.

I wish I wasn't sick.

[q.c.™]

Okay. You aren't sick anymore - the disease has merged with your DNA and now you aren't sick anymore.. it's just normal for you to feel that way.


I wish I wouldn't have so many simultaneous projects.

[Z:illyhoo]

Granted. It becomes one HUGE project and it's all due the next day.

I wish I was at my friend's house.

[master1]

Granted, but you materialise half-way through a wall and get stuck like that.

I wish I was the universe itself. o.o

[Z:illyhoo]

Granted, but then a reverse version of the Big Bang happens and you disappear.

I wish I could meet a celebrity and he/she is nice to me.

[Alexi: Crazier by the Day]

Granted, but they are your least favorite celebrity.

I wish I didn't have to get up at 5:00 a.m. tommorow.

[Z:illyhoo]

Granted but instead you have to wake up at 3 AM...

I wish I didn't have school on Monday...