Make a Wish. Have it horribly corrupted.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. It is SO smart that it learns to use technology and talk and enslaves us all. You are now hated by ALL humans....

I wish I had a new oven stove!

[SirBlaziken]

granted, but you didn't say It had to work....

I wish for magic powers

[quack98]

Granted, but the power is to be able to step one inch further than normal, at the cost of your soul.

I wish for a turkey sandwich... And the turkey can't be dry...

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but you are vegetarian

I wish for another bowl of cheeseburger soup

[Hitmonchu]

granted, but its just a cheeseburger in a bowl of water
I wish for barbecue flavor on my potato chips

[Mr. Apple]

granted, but someone already licked all the flavor off so you're stuck with plain again
i wish i could go to mars

[Hitmonchu]

Granted but you die from lack of air.
I wish for some coke.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. You get some but then are arrested by the cops on the spot during a drug raid. You are also known as "meat" while in prison. Enjoy your 1- year sentence buddy!

I wish I had a pet squirrel!

[Hitmonchu]

Granted but it is the size of a water bear.
I wish to be able to hold my pet anole.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. All is going well until it rips off your face and eats it....

I wish I could have a new TV!

[Hitmonchu]

Granted but the only channel is PBS Kids.
I wish for a free ticket to Disneyland.

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. It is dated July 25, 1978!

I wish for some bacon!

[Hitmonchu]

Granted, but it is made out of human flesh.
I wish for an ice-cream cone.

[SirBlaziken]

Granted but he does huge smelly poops everywhere and you have to clean them up with your bare hands.

I wish for a clean Umbreon onesie that fit and wouldn't rip.

Why?

granted but it's wingull poop

I wish for a phoenix

[Wolstenholme]

Why what? 

Granted but it's Fawkes so it will never stay with you bc it's still loyal to Dumbledore.

I wish for lots of sleep with really good dreams.