Make a Wish. Have it horribly corrupted.

[Gusparce]

Granted, but I also forgot to scrape off the meat on the inside.

I wish for a cape made out of Zangoose fur.

[Skyler and Blazer]

Granted. It comes with a Zangoose who is pretty mad about you taking her fur. Have fun ^^

I wish I could handle people better.

[OranBerrySandvich]

Granted. Unfortunately, that guy on the bus isn't happy about you "handling" him. He clonks you over the head. You suffer severe brain hemorrhaging. You die.

I wish that bananas in pyjamas would stop coming down the stairs. It's really starting to scare me.

[Trekkie WhoLocked Fangirl!]

Granted, they begin going up them instead... I wish barney the dinosaur wasn't purple

[spritey]

Granted, but he's brown and yellow instead... D=

I wish for something good and not bad toward me.

[Sizacu]

Granted, you're given a lifetime supply of rice pudding, which will surround you wherever you go.
You won't go hungry for quite a while P:

I wish I would stop being so short-tempered. c:

[EagleEye101 : Impactz]

Granted but when you go long-tempered, when you want to get really angry with somebody, you seem incredibly chirpy.

I wish that I Had a Ferrari Italia 458. That DOESN'T set fire.

[OranBerrySandvich]

Granted. It gets set ON fire. You're in it. You can't get out. You die.

I wish I didn't procrastinate.

[spritey]

Granted. You don't procrastinate when you're about to jump off a cliff. You die.

I wish for rich land for planting crops in my backyard.

[Jarl ulfric stormcloak]

Granted. But no rum. You proceed to ask "Why is the rum gone?" And then commit suicide in fire.

You Fry (Oh yeah, revengineer. I can think of more imaginitive death words than you.)

I wish that captain jack sparrow would appear, but nothing he can do, or cause, can harm me or my family.

[Lugiafanatic]

Granted, but he harms your friends.

I wish for an A in all my classes next year.

[Jarl ulfric stormcloak]

Granted. You get a A in flying.

You fly.

into a wall.

stuff happens.

I wish that I smelt like the man who your man could smell like.

[EagleEye101 : Impactz]

Granted but It makes no sense, so nothing happens.

I wish that I was Ken Block

[Skarmory8]

Granted. Having no knowledge of this "Ken Block" I decide that he is Justin Bieber. You get a mail bomb. YOU FRY

I wish for a hamster

[OranBerrySandvich]

Granted. It has fun with you for many hamster years and dies peacefully. Nobody dies but him.
OR SO WE THOUGHT! Because a few days later, he comes back as a giant flesh eating zombie hamster that noms your brains. You die. Sort of.

I wish people would get the Old Spice references made by a certain member of the site.