Make a Wish. Have it horribly corrupted.

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but your butt starts itching a lot.

I wish that I could go see Catching Fire.

[the bread dragon]

granted but you catch fire in the middle of it

i wish my butt didnt itch so darn much

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but you start coughing and sneezing again.

I wish that people would laugh at my jokes.

[the bread dragon]

granted, but there are really laughing at you.. not with you

i wish i could stop coughing and sneezing without my butt itching

inb4 witty mentions of the crotchal region

[SirBlaziken]

No, not this time.

Granted, but you have a massive headache now.

I wish for another wish.

[the bread dragon]

granted but you blow that wish on some cheap sunglasses

i wish i could blow bubbles with bubble gum

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but the gum is laced with neurotoxin!

I wish for a bird.

[the bread dragon]

granted, you have the most annoying parakeet to squawk the face of the earth

i wish my email address wasnt so long and tedious to type

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, you don't have one.

I wish that I could make some people disappear.

[the bread dragon]

granted, obama disappears and WAR
i wish my ears werent so big

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but now your feet are even bigger.

I wish for a milkshake.

[the bread dragon]

granted, youre really fat now
i wish to sleep

[SirBlaziken]

Granted, but it's given to you by darkrai.

I wish that I could play a guitar very well.

[the bread dragon]

granted, but you get blisters on your fingers

i wish i wasnt so fat...

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Granted. You are now a stick! Which was just eaten by a Fennekin with very bad breath....

I wish I was a soft kitty!