Make a Wish. Have it horribly corrupted.

[zorro1]

...


I wish in peace.

[master1]

Granted, but before you can corrupt it, you must understand it, and understanding it causes your brain to explode.

I wish I wish I was a fish. *said idolly*

[zorro1]

Granted Granted but you're a shark.



I wish I wasn't The Big Bad Troll

[master1]

Granted, but we're known under that outragiously silly name (PNET) and everyone laughs at us for it.

I wish I was asleep. D:

[MOP]

Granted but its not sleep in your bed and the three bears are out for blood.
I wish Bristol wasn't wet.

[Webby]

Granted, the whole of Bristol is now suffering from a drought, which leads to famine for some unknown reason.

I wish I could have more free time to waste on doing nothing.

[THE ARBITER]

you have your free time in a waste center

i wish for icecream that walks like a man

[master1]

Granted, but it walks like a disabled man and therefor doesn't walk at all without physical aid.

I wish for a pint of larger, please, and a pack of Flakeys.

[MOP]

Granted but I have a pint too and I'm a 'friendly' drunk. 

I wish I could shape-shift into cool things like a frog for Princess Beatrice.

[Z:illyhoo]

Granted but you shape-shift into a bug so someone steps on you.

I wish I could clone myself.

[Alexi: Crazier by the Day]

Granted, but everyone likes your clone better and the all ignore you completely, including your family.

I wish my head wasn't like an MP3 player.

[master1]

Granted. It's not like an MP3 player, it is and MP3 player.

I wish I had a more nutritious breakfast.

[MOP]

Granted you get locusts on a stick, plenty of nutrition if you eat enough.

I wish Princess Beatrice my crush would turn up tomorrow.

[Alexi: Crazier by the Day]

Granted. It's not like an MP3 player, it is and MP3 player.

I knew someone would do that.

Oh and she does, but it's to tell you that she hates you and wants you dead.

I wish I wasn't psychic.

[Webby]

Granted. You were due to appear at a psychic's convention, where you meet your untimely end. Didn't see that coming, huh?

I wish I had a way of watching the second series of Torchwood.