Make a Wish. Have it horribly corrupted.

[Moon Chaser]

you now have 0 wishes

i wish that my sister would stop bugging me

[Darkwing]

No problem... Now she is the Catherine to your Sebastian. Enjoy living in Cruel Intentions.

I wish I had a reasonable job.

[ZombieSteven]

Granted,but you have unreasonable salary.
I wish my sister would be more polite.(seriously,she scolds me a lot of bad words)

[Darkwing]

Granted... She just graduated the Mina Harker school of manners. Good luck surviving the next scolding.

I wish I had a main cast part in this years musical.

[Awkward Squirtle]

Granted-you fail and everybody laughs at you.

I wish i could come up with good 'that's what she said' jokes

[AliceBlaze]

Granted but turns out they're very sexist and you get sued.

I wish I could eat as many cookies as possible without gaining weight.

[Darkwing]

Granted... instead you lose all ability to enjoy food at all.

I wish I could travel between here and The Labyrinth (As in the David Bowie movie) at will.

[Moon Chaser]

granted but it only works once

i wish that i lived in a tree house (the tree is in the middle of a town)

[Darkwing]

Granted... Say goodbye to all those cute little modcons like electricity though.

I wish I had a working WiFi connection at the moment.

[Moon Chaser]

oh well i don't need electricity

Granted but it is only for that moment and you don't have a chance to use the wi-fi connection.

I wish that i had an infinite supply of sherbet lemons (nonpoisonous) in front of me

[Darkwing]

Granyed... But it landed you in Hogwarts, The Potion Masters office to be exact. Good luck in detentions with a very disgruntled Severus Snape. (You and your sweets landed on top of him.)

I wish I had a Wigglytuff to help my nephew go to sleep, without my needing to be in the room.

[MOP]

Granted but the wigglytuff is lazy and just uses hyper beam to knock out them out.

I wish I my ribs weren't a suitable alternative to a xylophone. 

[Darkwing]

Granted... You just became Victim1 in a new version of The Hills Have Eyes. Hope you like BBQ Sauce.

I wish I wasn't constantly getting summoned to hang up the washing. ESPECIALLY my sisters underwear.

[progartpkmn98]

Granted, but you turn into your sister's underwear.

I wish I had working, nothing wrong with them, impossible for anything bad to happen, indestructible iPod headphones with the microphone on it.

[dark-snorelax™]

Granted but your ipod exploded

I wish I had lots of cups of tea